The Phrases given by A Dad Which Helped Us as a First-Time Father

"I think I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

Yet the truth rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You're not in a healthy space. You need support. How can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While the public is now more accustomed to addressing the stress on mums and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his struggles are symptomatic of a broader inability to communicate amongst men, who still absorb damaging ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a sign of failure to request help. I didn't do that quick enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, says men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the chance to request a respite - taking a few days abroad, outside of the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the language of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without reliable male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "poor choices" when younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You gravitate to behaviours that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your partner or a counsellor how you're feeling. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, staying active and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mind is faring.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the challenges, along with the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - looking after you is the best way you can support your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - managing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, changed how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I said, at times I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."